Songs about shoplifting

Despite shopliftings popularity (but it's not legal yet Kids) I can only think of 3 songs about it…..and one of them is not The Smiths Shoplifters Of The World Unite. The Slits, Jane's Addiction and Madness definitely deliver the stolen goods though.
Shoplifting by The Slits has the great opening line.

"Put the cheddar in the pocket
Put the rest under the jacket
Talk to the cashier, he won't suspect
And if he does...
Do a runner!"

Punk Rock and cheese theft. The Slits were a fantastic group, who just sound even better when you write it all down. Ari Up is the patois speaking German stepdaughter of John Lydon and started The Slits aged fourteen with Viv Alberteen and Spanish drummer Palmolive. They were one of the first all girl bands who played their own instruments and wrote their own songs without a behind the scenes Svengali. They toured with The Clash, recorded 2 classic John Peel sessions despite the fact that they couldn't tune their own guitars and learnt to play well enough to make the staggeringly good album Cut in 1979 (and you do know the sleeve. They're topless, loin clothed and covered in mud). Budgie, later to be in Siouxsie and the Banshees became the new drummer and they recorded I Heard It Through The Grapevine. Their version of is arguably (but not by me, I'm definite about it) the best cover version ever. And that was released as a B side. That's the way to do it. The second lp The Return of The Giant Slits was a bewildering and difficult mix of styles and was a precursor to more widespread interest in World Music. They also covered John Holt's Man Next Door which Massive Attack would do 20 years later.

Cut still sounds great today. By the time they recorded it they'd kept the whooping, screeching call and response vocals but thanks to Punk's adoption of Reggae they'd learnt new tricks and approaches to the sound. The drums are mixed high and sound skippy and rattley with a lovely light touch to his playing. I think he made up for that though in the Banshees though with Timpani drums and Gongs. They're still obviously the same songs from those early Peel sessions but now the guitars scratch rather than buzz, leaving great big spaces. It's a clever, original sound. On Shoplifting there is contradiction of Ari moving from English sweary phrasing to adopted Rastafarian.

"Ten quid for the lot
We pay fuck all
Babylonian won't lose much
And we'll have dinner tonight"

Then it's into the utter girly joyousness of them all belting out the chorus. And what a chorus. In a song about shoplifting, you can't beat "Do a Runner Do a runner". As the song careers out of control you can hear a stoned, giggled "I've pissed in my knickers"

I do have a couple of pop theories. One of which has Madness as the musical version of Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads. Underneath the jolly videos there is a real sense of melancholy, nostalgia and loss. Suggs vocals are clipped but precise, emotional but economical and his speaking voice is a source of wonder to me (although with all his commercials it's more of a source of wonga)

Deceives The Eye is a really good song about moderately successful shoplifting that was hidden on the Work, Rest and Play ep in 1980.

"In the earliest days of my shoplifting career
You could safely say I was filled with fear
It was nail biting work from the very start
But several quick successes soon gave me heart
After a while I could pick or nick or steal
Some shirts some trousers and a few lps"

There's nothing subtle about Jane's Addiction approach in Been Caught Stealing. It's a bullet hard rock record where the power comes from the bass and drums rather than the guitar. Their approach to shoplifting isn't subtle either.

"When I want something
I don't want to pay for it
I walk right through the door
Walk right through the door"

It's also got barking dogs revving motorcycles and vocals that sing along to the guitar solo. Nothing over the top then. You can almost hear the pride in Perry Farrell's high, slightly whiney voice as he sings.

"My girl, she's one too
She'll go and get her a shirt
Stick it under her skirt
She grabbed a razor for me
And she did it just like that"

It's love then. I think I first heard it at a wedding, sadly not as the bride and grooms first dance.